Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
