At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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