So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
