doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
