yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize