how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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