I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
