I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
