Old men and throwing up are my life now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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