Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
