It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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