And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
