True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Farmville is her only friend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
