I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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