Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
