Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
