so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
