Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
