i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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