just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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