Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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