I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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