how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
