I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
