i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
