i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
