She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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