capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
