I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
