In the future we'll all be gay
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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