I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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