I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize