So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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