I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
