dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
