I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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