You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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