I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
