I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
