I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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