Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
