So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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