there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
