You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
