next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
