Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize