So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
