She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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