Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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