You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
pop tarts are not kleenex
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
