Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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