hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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