i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are all done wearing pants today
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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