Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina is officially offended.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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