im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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