He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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