Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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