Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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