What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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