those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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