found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
