My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
