He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
