i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
