Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
