i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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