your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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