so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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