The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
one might say we're banned from that church
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry about my life...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
