2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
