you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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