i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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