I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
