We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize