I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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