if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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