Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
