i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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