So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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