he wants to bone in the snuggie
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
