im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
