omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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