Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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