its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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