I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
