JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She even gives head with a lisp.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
