i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I died a long time ago.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
