So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
