I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
