Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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