I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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