I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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