Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
