it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
