im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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